Not myself

I am not kidding when I say that sometimes I am an unfit mother.  Seriously.  Especially lately.  This is all so confusing to me.  The part where we planned on having another baby and then in the past two months, while that very baby is finally with us, I wonder why on earth I have been given another one to take care of when I can't take care of the ones I've got.  I don't even feel like myself.  I am grumpy beyond belief.  My patience is paper thin.  Everyone is an idiot.  I don't even know why anyone would want to be around me, since I can hardly stand being around myself.  I hope this all goes away soon.  I know that this is not who I am, but I'm sure it's hard for my husband and kids to continue being forgiving.  Brian finally figured out to not do those big weirded out eyes at me anymore or he was really going to get it.  Lucky for him, now he chooses to keep those eyes to himself.  But I still know that he knows.  And it's hard.

We have good moments and then in an instant it can change, and it's usually because of me.  Because of how I react to things.  McKay stepping on a loaf of bread is really not the end of the world.  But you would have thought that today.

And on top of all my craziness, I decided it's time to potty train McKay.  Things are going pretty well.  Until the last two days when I decided that I've had enough poop in the pants (3).  So for two days we haven't left the house.  I've watched his every move and I know this kid needs to go to the bathroom.  The final straw was when Brian wanted me to help with his friends birthday (a totally reasonable request, in my normal state) but I am flipping out inside because I CAN NOT LEAVE BECAUSE MCKAY NEEDS TO POOP.  So I took him to grandma and left for 30 minutes.  Drove up to pick him up the very second he is pooping his pants.  After two days of me waiting, he pooped his pants while I was gone.  I am bugged.  And sad.  I've got to get a grip.