It was December when I received a text. His name was Leland Anderson and he was the principal of the RDF International School in Shenzhen, China. He wondered if he could schedule a FaceTime interview with the two of us.
My heart jumped. This is it. I talked to Brian who was also surprised and we scheduled it for the following evening. I was excited and scared and nervous and I remember feeling really cold and shaky the entire time we visited. When the thoughts initially ran wild in my mind, I pictured Brian and I working at the school and the kids going to an international elementary school with kids from all over the world. It would be an experience we could never recreate. I would be able to teach again and have the wonderful experience again of working with the sweet Chinese kids who made me feel so alive.
It was probably 10:00 pm our time and we talked for over an hour. We noticed the BYU flag hanging in his office and he sat next to an assistant of some kind who listened in and asked just a question or two. The very first thing he said was, "There isn't an elementary school in the area, so you'd have to homeschool your children." This was totally not what I had pictured. But instantly, I thought, "I can do that." In coming weeks I would have moments of sadness - maybe even anger sometimes - when I realized that this wouldn't work out for me the way I had pictured it. Of course, those feelings are long gone and didn't last long, but they were absolutely part of the process for me. He asked us all about our teaching background and I personally had a hard time coming up with some of my answers, as I haven't taught in almost a decade. But at the same time, my ideas and beliefs came back to me. Brian explained how this school would be pretty much the opposite of the school where he currently works. The students in China are trying to get accepted to Ivy League schools, whereas the students are Summit are often the first in their family to even graduate high school. I think Brian is more than qualified and would be an asset to any school. Leland was very complimentary and kind and kept saying, "If we offer you the position" and we talked and asked questions as if this was going to happen. At this point, Brian still thought so many hoops would have to be jumped through for this far-fetched idea to come through. The conversation ended well and within the week the HR guy from the school called for a follow-up interview. It was short and he asked us how much money we expected to make. That was a weird and hard question - we felt like we were put in a tricky spot but knew that we needed to make it work financially.
During the coming weeks, I spoke often with Petra and hashed out details. She and I would talk numbers and figure out exactly what we needed to make this happen. Finances were Brian's biggest worry. Neither of us felt comfortable going to debt to do this. Part of the deal is the the school would fly our entire family over there and back as well as pay for housing and some of the bills. I crunched numbers night after night and emailed back and forth with a woman who is teaching there and has a family our size. She told me their budget, line by line, and I worked out ours. If we rented out our home, then we could make it work. I had the number written on the top of the paper. The number that we needed to realistically consider it.
Leland called in January and offered Brian a job. And wouldn't you know - he offered him the exact number that I had written on the top of my page. We won't come home with extra, but with this we can make it happen. Brian was visibly shaken and put his hand on his face after he hung up the phone. We had a decision to make. Before if was just a what if? Now it was a real option. Brian wasn't committed yet.
Over the weeks prior to this we talked and talked about the what ifs and how would this work and played out all the scenarios in our minds. We talked about fun things and extra things we could do and how much the kids would learn. We talked about flying to Taiwan to see his mission. We talked about walking on the Great Wall and seeing the rolling mountains in Guilin. We talked about learning ping pong and badminton and him speaking in Chinese again. We talked about his job here and could he get a leave of absence and what would he do when he got home. We talked about the kids sports and friends they would miss. We talked about scary food and wondered if the kids would eat it. We talked about walking away from it all and the simplicity that we could find. We talked about what we'd need to chance here at home if we didn't end up going. We talked about living big and taking chances in life. We talked about bringing the focus back to our family and how this could be one way to really reign in the craziness that we are involved in right now. We talked about it all. Over and over again. Not in an exhausting way, but in a thoughtful, thinking, prayerful way. We went to the temple. He didn't want to be mad at me for 11 months if I made him go. I didn't want to be mad at him for 11 months if he didn't try. So we kept thinking. Is this a good, right decision for us right now?
I suggested we talk to his dad. He's got a logical but feeling brain. Brian trusts him. I trust him. We went to dinner with them one night and had them so concerned when we said we wanted "to talk." That's probably never good for a parent to hear their kid say that.... We came back and sent the kids away (they still had no idea of what was going on) and told them of the opportunity here in our family room. Their first reaction was that they'd miss us. But when I pressed to ask him what he thought, I'll never forget what he said. He said, "I say take the adventure. Time is short." He reminded us of the time he took the family on a trip and saved $30 on a hotel with no pool. He always regrets not paying the extra and getting the pool.
I decided to let Brian sit with it and not say anything for a bit. Let him come up with whatever he came up with on his own. I had told him all of my thoughts. There was nothing more to say. He knew where I stood and what I wanted to do. Just a few days later we were talking on the phone while he was at work. I brought it up and asked him what he had been thinking about it. His response: "I say we pack our bags and fly to China." And that was that.
Tuesday, April 9, 2019
Sunday, March 31, 2019
How the Next Chapter Starts
It was a sunny fall day the first week of October 2018. Tessa and I were on a drive and coming home from Home Depot where we had just gotten some pink paint samples for her bedroom. We were headed home coming down Fleming when we saw our tall, blonde friend Lisa Jones walking down the street. She was knocking doors for work, I'm sure, so I rolled down the window to say hello. We visited there for a minute and then when a car was coming up behind me, I pulled the car over and we continued to talk. I think we talked for 30-40 minutes that day.
During the conversation, I remember talking about a variety of things. I have since thought back to how the conversation went from one thing to the next - trying to remember all the details. I know we shared podcasts and conference talks to listen to as well as personal family things that were hard and going on in her life at the time. We work in primary together, so I'm sure that was in there somewhere.
While not dealing with life circumstances nearly as trying or serious, the conversation turned to what we were working on. I told Lisa about redecorating Tessa's room for her 4th birthday in a month. I always wanted to do a little girl room, and even though I was into it and excited about it, for some reason on this day it just seemed silly. Probably because of what Lisa was dealing with and the overwhelm I was feeling about my to-do list - sometimes we make insignificant things like that seem really important. It was at this point, when we were talking about pink bedrooms and things that really don't matter that we talked about gratitude. I wondered aloud "What do I not have?" Nothing. We have everything we need and then some. We talked about gratitude and then my thoughts turned to my time when I lived in China. As a student teacher, I remember coming home from that five-month experience with so much gratitude. I explained a little of these feelings that I had and then I said to her, "We should go back there...." My voice trailed off and she said, "You should!" We brainstormed for just a minute about how neat that would be to take our family there. I told her that I had a BYU contact I should get in contact with - just to see. We said goodbye and I left feeling uplifted and with a list of good things I wanted to read and listen to.
On the drive home my mind was reeling. I walked right in and looked up the number for Al Merkeley. He worked in the Dean's office when I was a secretary there in the McKay building as well as when I was recruited to Xi'an for my student teaching. When I called and said my name, he knew exactly who I was. He said, "I'm so glad you called now...I'm retiring and will be gone in six weeks." I told Al I had a crazy idea and that I was calling him without my husband even knowing. "What would it take to get our family to China?" He told me about two schools that BYU is affiliated with and said that he would get my information to Peter Chan, who was also around almost 20 years ago when I was there. I think I told Brian later that night what I had done - but it was a far-fetched idea in his mind, so he didn't think too much of it.
After a few days I got an email from Peter with Al's forwarded message. His note to me simply read, "Do you want to pursue this?" I asked Brian if he would be willing to put together a resume. No problem. Letters of recommendation felt like another level of involvement. This took more convincing, but he did it. I gathered my letters in a few days. Brian took a few weeks. I think he was nervous to even entertain the idea and telling a colleague about it to write a letter was a scary thought. It was November by the time I had forwarded both of our resumes and letters of rec to Peter to then forward on to the principals. Weeks went by before I heard anything.
During these weeks of wondering, I spent many times on the phone with my friend and old China roommate, Petra Laster. We had become like sisters when we lived together and while we hadn't talked regularly or often over the years, I felt like I wanted to hash this out with her. Brian wasn't super interested in talking about it, but my dreaming and crazy thoughts were entertained and encouraged by her. She kindly and gently and excitedly went through scenarios with me. We discussed money and how much we needed to make it happen. All of the details that kept me up at night - she could talk it though with me. During our first conversation when I suggested the adventure, she told me, "This is happening." And when a question mark first jumped into my head, I still knew that she was right. And that I wanted it to happen for us.
During the conversation, I remember talking about a variety of things. I have since thought back to how the conversation went from one thing to the next - trying to remember all the details. I know we shared podcasts and conference talks to listen to as well as personal family things that were hard and going on in her life at the time. We work in primary together, so I'm sure that was in there somewhere.
While not dealing with life circumstances nearly as trying or serious, the conversation turned to what we were working on. I told Lisa about redecorating Tessa's room for her 4th birthday in a month. I always wanted to do a little girl room, and even though I was into it and excited about it, for some reason on this day it just seemed silly. Probably because of what Lisa was dealing with and the overwhelm I was feeling about my to-do list - sometimes we make insignificant things like that seem really important. It was at this point, when we were talking about pink bedrooms and things that really don't matter that we talked about gratitude. I wondered aloud "What do I not have?" Nothing. We have everything we need and then some. We talked about gratitude and then my thoughts turned to my time when I lived in China. As a student teacher, I remember coming home from that five-month experience with so much gratitude. I explained a little of these feelings that I had and then I said to her, "We should go back there...." My voice trailed off and she said, "You should!" We brainstormed for just a minute about how neat that would be to take our family there. I told her that I had a BYU contact I should get in contact with - just to see. We said goodbye and I left feeling uplifted and with a list of good things I wanted to read and listen to.
On the drive home my mind was reeling. I walked right in and looked up the number for Al Merkeley. He worked in the Dean's office when I was a secretary there in the McKay building as well as when I was recruited to Xi'an for my student teaching. When I called and said my name, he knew exactly who I was. He said, "I'm so glad you called now...I'm retiring and will be gone in six weeks." I told Al I had a crazy idea and that I was calling him without my husband even knowing. "What would it take to get our family to China?" He told me about two schools that BYU is affiliated with and said that he would get my information to Peter Chan, who was also around almost 20 years ago when I was there. I think I told Brian later that night what I had done - but it was a far-fetched idea in his mind, so he didn't think too much of it.
After a few days I got an email from Peter with Al's forwarded message. His note to me simply read, "Do you want to pursue this?" I asked Brian if he would be willing to put together a resume. No problem. Letters of recommendation felt like another level of involvement. This took more convincing, but he did it. I gathered my letters in a few days. Brian took a few weeks. I think he was nervous to even entertain the idea and telling a colleague about it to write a letter was a scary thought. It was November by the time I had forwarded both of our resumes and letters of rec to Peter to then forward on to the principals. Weeks went by before I heard anything.
During these weeks of wondering, I spent many times on the phone with my friend and old China roommate, Petra Laster. We had become like sisters when we lived together and while we hadn't talked regularly or often over the years, I felt like I wanted to hash this out with her. Brian wasn't super interested in talking about it, but my dreaming and crazy thoughts were entertained and encouraged by her. She kindly and gently and excitedly went through scenarios with me. We discussed money and how much we needed to make it happen. All of the details that kept me up at night - she could talk it though with me. During our first conversation when I suggested the adventure, she told me, "This is happening." And when a question mark first jumped into my head, I still knew that she was right. And that I wanted it to happen for us.
Back in Business
I looked at my blog a few days ago - the first time in over four years! What!!? A feeling of complete sadness came over me. That I quit. Why did I do that? I spent hours looking back at those happy times with our little boys. I've forgotten the little details and am so glad I wrote about them then. When I thought about why I stopped...well, the short answer is that I felt like I was just in over my head. Having a fourth baby (our little Tessa girl) really took me over the edge of crazy. Four kids is a lot of kids - and just the amount we always wanted.
I think for years I've been just hanging on - doing a day at a time - and only recently (maybe this past year?) have felt like we're coming out of those baby years with a new view on life. We are done with diapers, cribs, strollers, and all of the extra baby bags. Don't get me wrong...being at home with my kids is the thing I've always wanted. I have it. I have a wonderful life. But it's hard. That's all there is to it. Being a mom is the most challenging and rewarding thing I've ever done. Wouldn't trade any of it. Days get long, patience gets thin, and then there are moments of sunshine that make it all worth it. We span the full range of emotions around here on a daily basis. I work every day to try to be a little more present and find joy in the ordinary. I actually think I'm doing much better at it because I know that my thinking and feelings and attitude are all my decision. When things get crazy (and of course we all know they do!) all I long for is the uneventful days and a little more of the mundane. Sometimes boring is a great thing! I have learned to completely love simple. Once upon a time I used to feel like I needed to fill every day with something. I have since changed my tune and find my quiet days in our home the very best.
I can't wallow in the fact that I missed all those years. So many funny kid quotes that I can't remember anymore. So I'll bullet point a few things and then we'll just have to move along.
I think for years I've been just hanging on - doing a day at a time - and only recently (maybe this past year?) have felt like we're coming out of those baby years with a new view on life. We are done with diapers, cribs, strollers, and all of the extra baby bags. Don't get me wrong...being at home with my kids is the thing I've always wanted. I have it. I have a wonderful life. But it's hard. That's all there is to it. Being a mom is the most challenging and rewarding thing I've ever done. Wouldn't trade any of it. Days get long, patience gets thin, and then there are moments of sunshine that make it all worth it. We span the full range of emotions around here on a daily basis. I work every day to try to be a little more present and find joy in the ordinary. I actually think I'm doing much better at it because I know that my thinking and feelings and attitude are all my decision. When things get crazy (and of course we all know they do!) all I long for is the uneventful days and a little more of the mundane. Sometimes boring is a great thing! I have learned to completely love simple. Once upon a time I used to feel like I needed to fill every day with something. I have since changed my tune and find my quiet days in our home the very best.
I can't wallow in the fact that I missed all those years. So many funny kid quotes that I can't remember anymore. So I'll bullet point a few things and then we'll just have to move along.
- We left off renovating our American Fork home. We live at 965 E 220 N - just across the street from the hospital. We love it here. Every place we have lived felt like home, and this is no different. It always takes time to feel like you belong - but we are in the right place for us right now. There is no doubt. We've spent years fixing things up little by little to make it how we want it. We still have a handful of projects (always projects!) but we will get it done.
- Our sweet Tessa Charlotte was born November 7, 2014 in American Fork. First kid that we induced. The rest came on their own. But she marches to her own beat, this one. It's wonderful to have a little girl. I never imagined that would happen but we love her and her brothers adore her. She can hold her own with all these boys. She's got blonde hair to her bum and beautiful blue eyes. She and I spend quiet afternoons together everyday after we get Jonah to school and it is my favorite time. I love having her home with me. It's been interesting seeing the differences between our boys and this girl. She is emotional, silly, creative, and I am amazed at how she'll sit and color for hours or I'll find her in a corner playing toys quietly on her own.
- One major, memorable event was the time that McKay slid down the banister in G&G Robinson's new St. George house in March of 2015. He was almost 5. We told him over and over not to do it and he flew down on a swim kickboard and a piece of wood from the banister ended up under his toenail. It was well over 1.5 inches. It was terrible. Surgery and all. From this point on, we use "toe under nail" as a gauge for pain. That's a 10. Since then, he's been much better at giving us accurate pain assessments.
- The kids attend Barratt Elementary in American Fork and they are all converted to all things Cavemen. We love the school, teachers, secretaries and know that our kids are being well taken care of there. They are great students. For the record, I did cry at Gavin's first parent-teacher conference. I remember feeling so much love for the teacher who took care of him everyday and for them seeing all the good things about him. I was also very pregnant at the time, but it was still an important memory.
- The kids wanted me to write that we went to Florida. This was over Tessa's 2nd birthday. Uncle Paul made that possible for us and we stayed at Anne and Paul's house and had the best time. We did Magic Kindgom, Cocoa Beach, played with cousins, swam with manatees and took our first family flight. It was an adventure of a lifetime. We felt lucky to go.
- Our day to day life is filled with sports sports sports. When we got here we got Gavin enrolled in soccer and it has expanded to basketball, flag football, tackle football, and their favorite - baseball. All the boys are very involved and there is nothing they love more. It makes us happy, keeps them active and all of us busy. Most of our weekend are spent going from game to game. While it feels long sometimes, I love to watch these boys excel and improve and do something they love. We've met so many good friends sitting on the sidelines and bleachers. Our kids have great friends.
- Gavin was baptized in July of 2016. He doesn't want us to forget that we went to Tim McGraw Stadium of Fire that night. It was a great day with lots of family. McKay was baptized in May of 2018. That was after an extra month of waiting for dad to be ready (see next bullet point) Both wonderful days that we won't forget. They were loved and so excited. I hope they remember the feelings they felt.
- Brian got his hips resurfaced in 2006. We went to California for that. Twelve years later, one side started hurting and after months of pain and two weeks of unbearable pain and a lot of grumpiness for the situation, the component broke. He was carrying two 5-gallon jugs of fish tank water and it snapped. My parents had just flown in from AZ for McKay's baptism (literally 15 minutes before he called) and so my dad and I drove down there to get him. Checked into ER, found that it was broken and not dislocated, canceled baptism, ambulanced up to the UofU to get to a specialist who could help us over Spring Break, got a total hip replacement and was back home four days later. It was a crazy ride. We are still so grateful to nurses and doctors who continually take care of us.
- We started an important series of trips when we decided to visit all of the MBL baseball stadiums to watch a game. Baseball is our family game - since Brian and I both played and the boys love it so much we decided we could use a few more hours at the ballpark. When our friend Barbara Langford was called on a mission to Missouri, the idea was born when I decided we needed to go visit her. So a trip to church history sites and a road trip tour of about five stadiums was born. To kick start it, we began by seeing the Padres on one of our Oceanside trips, a weekend drive with the big boys to the Diamondbacks, and then a summer trip to San Francisco to see the Giants and the A's. Just a few months ago we did a 24 hour trip with the two big boys to Denver to see the Rockies when we found flights for $30. We are excited to visit places different than the same four places (St. George, Bear Lake, Oceanside, Arizona). We need to average about four a year to finish before Gavin leaves the house. If you've ever wondered what I lay awake thinking about at night....this is it.
- Speaking of trips, last summer's trip to visit Dave and Rachelle, Oakland, San Francisco, and Monterey Bay was one for the books. We had a great route and got to see a lot and also had fun hotel swimming and hanging out time together. It made us feel like he MLB tour was purposeful and exciting and actually going to happen. It's going to happen. And we're going to make more happy memories along the way.
- Bear Lake trips have continued to be a staple and the kids love the simple time there. We usually take our scooter up there and share a condo with Nathan and Dawn. Oceanside has happened in 2015 and 2017 with the Woolf/Terry fam. I'm not sure if our family will continue that tradition or not. It's important to us to spend time with cousins and aunts and uncles whenever we have the chance.
- For the last three years I have been serving as the primary president and Brian has been the pianist. It has been so fun to be in there together with our kids. We taught a class together first, then both got moved to music (pianist/chorister combo) then put in the presidency. Serving with these children has been a true privilege and blessing in my life. I would stay in primary forever. I will be sad when it's over.
Monday, February 18, 2019
Christmas 2012
I can't believe how quickly this month has flown by.
Before we headed out, Marijo and Katie came over for lunch with their families. I haven't seen Marijo in six years and it was fun to visit with her and finally meet her girls. I am kicking myself that we didn't take a picture. But I love those friendships that just pick up where they left off and are easy and safe.
On the 22nd we drove down to AZ in our new Toyota Sequoia. The ride was quick and painless. The best we've ever had really. I'll be surprised if we top that one. Not one tear, not one whine, not one cry. It went by quickly. We headed to mom and dad's where everyone was having dinner. Matt & Melissa, Dave & Rachelle, Britton & Lane, Nate & Allison, Dave & Karyn, and Lynsey & Matt were all there this year.
We stayed at Nate and Allison's new house and hardly saw the boys all week. They played and played with their cousins and had the best time. When we told Gavin it was time to go one day, his eyes filled up with tears and we gave in. He ended up playing for 8 hours with the big boys.
Christmas Eve was spent at mom and dad's and was the typical kid-fest. Yummy food, a cute nativity, pinata, jammies, and a story by grandma. The kids fell asleep in about two minutes when we got them to their beds.
Santa found us in Arizona and Christmas morning was calm and fun. Gavin's gifts included: Hulk Smash, bay blade, Avengers figures, wiggle car, Sonic video game, and a Ben10 bracelet. McKay got: a wiggle car, Wonder Pets stuffed animals, gum, Avengers figures, and a bay blade. They are pretty good about sharing. Brian
And now that it's all said and done, as much as I love putting up the tree, I love taking it down and cleaning up and starting fresh. These snowy Utah days have kept us hibernating and we've been playing and watching movies and getting things put back together around here.
Oh, and potty training again. Heaven help us all.
Before we headed out, Marijo and Katie came over for lunch with their families. I haven't seen Marijo in six years and it was fun to visit with her and finally meet her girls. I am kicking myself that we didn't take a picture. But I love those friendships that just pick up where they left off and are easy and safe.
On the 22nd we drove down to AZ in our new Toyota Sequoia. The ride was quick and painless. The best we've ever had really. I'll be surprised if we top that one. Not one tear, not one whine, not one cry. It went by quickly. We headed to mom and dad's where everyone was having dinner. Matt & Melissa, Dave & Rachelle, Britton & Lane, Nate & Allison, Dave & Karyn, and Lynsey & Matt were all there this year.
We stayed at Nate and Allison's new house and hardly saw the boys all week. They played and played with their cousins and had the best time. When we told Gavin it was time to go one day, his eyes filled up with tears and we gave in. He ended up playing for 8 hours with the big boys.
Christmas Eve was spent at mom and dad's and was the typical kid-fest. Yummy food, a cute nativity, pinata, jammies, and a story by grandma. The kids fell asleep in about two minutes when we got them to their beds.
Santa found us in Arizona and Christmas morning was calm and fun. Gavin's gifts included: Hulk Smash, bay blade, Avengers figures, wiggle car, Sonic video game, and a Ben10 bracelet. McKay got: a wiggle car, Wonder Pets stuffed animals, gum, Avengers figures, and a bay blade. They are pretty good about sharing. Brian
And now that it's all said and done, as much as I love putting up the tree, I love taking it down and cleaning up and starting fresh. These snowy Utah days have kept us hibernating and we've been playing and watching movies and getting things put back together around here.
Oh, and potty training again. Heaven help us all.
Pre-Easter Sunday
Since we won't be at church on Easter, we got Gavin all decked out the week before.
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