Kindergarten

I haven't seen a boy more excited for Kindergarten than this one.  All the preparation...  We got school supplies.  We got new shoes.  We got a letter from his teacher.  We got an awesome Darth Vader backpack.  We got a checkup and shots at the doctor.  (Let my mind never forget the cute interaction between Dr. Arnold and Gavin on this day.  The way he threw is head back and pointed at Dr. A when his joke finally clicked and he realized he had said hangaburs and psketti.  So so sweet.)

Today was the day.  He got his new outfit on and walked around the house in his brand new shoes.  Perfect hair.  Pics by the door with his little brothers.  I put on Brian's sunglasses and he laughed and me - because I knew...

Oh!!!  I didn't realize that my heart would actually hurt!  While I am so excited for Gavin and know that he is ready for this new adventure, all day long my heart has been sad.  I saw the uncertainty in his eyes when we said goodbye and he bravely walked toward his door and then stopped and looked around, I'm sure thinking, "Now what do I do?"  He doesn't know a soul at that school.  This is my school....have I pushed this on him?  Have we made the wrong decision in sending him here?  I was doubting and questioning and just worry worry worrying!

I felt like I was sending him on an airplane all on his own.  Throwing him to the wolves!  I have pretty much been with him for the past five years and now I'm just sending him in a room with people he doesn't know?  Alone?  I can't believe how quickly we have gotten to this point.  Yet - I know that he can do this.  He wants to do this.  And I know I want it for him too.  I just cross my fingers and pray that he will find his way in from the playground.  That people will be kind to him.  That he will be a good friend.  That others will see the good in him.

Two hours and forty five minutes passed quickly as McKay and I made cookies and did mommy school.  I thought about him at least 50 times.  I was so anxious to get over there and pick him up.  Luckily I got there early enough to be outside his door when school was over.  I had planned on just driving through, but I'm so glad that we got out and met him.  His eyes were searching for me as he came out the door.  I just watched him and waited for him to find us.  A smile instantly crossed his face when his eyes found mine.  He was mine again.

How will I send him again tomorrow?

Obsessed

I have always loved babies.  Like a lot.  But for some reason my obsession with this little guy is increasing by the minute.  Maybe it's because this third kid doesn't talk back yet and I know how awesome it is that he just sits and smiles at me, but holy smokes I love this boy!  He is practically perfect and there hasn't been one day (no kidding!) that I haven't said out loud what a good baby he is.  And how cute he is.  And smiley.

Isn't it a neat thought that every mom has the greatest kids on the planet?  Not perfect, by any means - but the ones that were made just for our family.  I am convinced that we belong together.

People are Good

The other day I was at Winco in Orem doing the shopping. It is a rarity that I am able to go alone these days, with Brian working three late nights a week. We usually end up needing everything on Monday or Tuesday - and waiting for him to get off work until Friday afternoon is just not going to work. So I often pack up all of the little people and make the best of it.

So the littles and I were focused on our list. Gavin and McKay were doing pretty ok, actually. Jonah was in the carrier on my chest. It's not unusual for people to stare at me, with three boys - active and close in age. It doesn't even bother me. One lady even said out loud to me while we were grabbing cans of tomatoes together, "I remember taking my kids to the grocery store. I still have nightmares about it." I just laughed and kept moving. The last few minutes during shopping I was starting to feel like we were done. Jonah was getting fidgety and it was time to get checked out and get outta here. I started unloading the cart, which is pretty tricky with a large baby strapped to the front of your body. I was leaning over the best I could but could only pull out one item at a time. A dude with one thing in his hand was standing behind me in line. He was looking at me like, "Lady, can't you go any faster?" I was a little bugged and thought back to myself, "Well, if you'd come help me here this would go a lot faster. Clearly my hands are full." Anyway, I got unloaded and paid. Trying not to be angry at the guy behind me - so very unaware. Can't someone see that I need help here?? I thought that many times in those few minutes. That frazzled feeling was getting to me. I was bagging my groceries and tried to keep Gavin and McKay close. I could see someone watching me out of the corner of my eye. I heard her say, "You guys go ahead. I'll be right there."

Enter Beth. She came over and asked if she could help me load my groceries. "Yes! Help away!" I almost started crying right then. She said she had three boys - ages 13, 11, and 9. I asked her if I was going to survive this and she told me how much fun she was having with her boys getting older. We didn't talk long, but she was sweet. I asked her name as we finished. I told her that she had earned her saint points today and that she was an angel. And in my little world that day, I so needed her.

Thank you, Beth. Thank you for reminding me how good people are. I walked to the car with my three boys in tow and let myself cry for a second as I watched her get in her car and drive away with her family. Two minutes with me was probably not a big to her - but it was to me. I hope that I can be as kind and aware to others as she was to me.