Where we are

It stresses me out to post things not in order.  But then if I work that way, then things will never get on here.  Important things that I want to remember.  There have been several little things in the past few days alone that I think I need to remember this but I know I won't.  So, someday I will go back and get Gavin's birthday and the rest of summer and renovating and being pregnant and Jonah's poop problems for the past six weeks and school starting and all that jazz.  But for today, these are the things that I want to remember.

I am a terrible pregnant person.  I know that I am blessed and do feel incredibly grateful.  But still, I am just bad at it.  Moody and irrational and plain mean.  I don't love that at all.  I keep telling myself that I will be feel normal again.  I hope that is true as it is hard for me to believe these days.  Lately I've been sleeping in the basement.  It's a lot cooler down there with a big soft bed that feels more comfortable to me.  I also can't hear much.  So the kids have been getting up and I've been sleeping in later than I would if I were in my room.  This morning it was a shocker to me when McKay came in and said, "Mom, I think you need to get up."  It felt later than usual and I came up and wouldn't you know it - 8:22.  8:22!!  I can't remember the last time I slept that long.  I saw a box of cereal on the kitchen floor.  I walked into find Jonah being handed mini wheats one at a time from his sweet brother McKay making sure he was fed and happy.  Poop up the back.  Gavin had the remote and the cartoons running.  Do these kids really need me??  I think they are really running the operation around here.  In fact, I am certain of it.  It was so funny to me that I was sleeping and all of this was going on.  I felt a lot irresponsible.  And laughed about it several times today.  Awesome mom points for sure!!

Jonah is the cutest thing ever.  Fifteen and sixteen month olds are the cutest.  I think I forgot that.  He has a million teeth (at least 10, really) and says lots of new words.  He says daddy, mommy, mom, doggy, ball, hi, blanket (doesn't sound like that at all), nana, and more.  He gives the sweetest snuggles and really just walks around the house doing his own thing.  Playing with toys, going up and down the stairs, unloading dishes, and playing with his brothers.

McKay and Gavin have been at each others' throats.  School started Tuesday (will have to write about that someday...) and I think it's a good thing to give them a little space after the summer together.  Those last few days were killer.  Like fighting and teasing and punching and pulling the entire day long.  When I asked McKay what was going on he said, "My heart is black.  And it is empty.  Well, it's really pink, but it is still empty."  Where would a four-year-old come up with that?

Gavin has been trying to transition to his new school.  He's come home sulky and sad.  Tonight, after day three, when I asked him how things were going, he finally admitted to me that he sits there and wonders what he is missing at home and wants to be with his family.  It was really sweet.  Then he said, "Mom, I noticed that you made my bed today and that made me feel happy inside.  It made me feel like you love me."  I tell ya - we fight and nag and want to pull hair out.  And then they are all cute like that.  I even let him lay all over me during story time even when I really wanted him to sit back a little and give me some space.  But I held off.  And I'm glad I did because I think he just needs to feel close to us.  Though these little boys are lots of work, I wouldn't trade them for anything.  And I know that I need to be here with them.  And when not-so-great things happen I need to be here to handle it.  (Hopefully in a not-crazy-pregnant-lady sorta way.)

They are asking lots of good, hard questions.  Like they want to know about drugs and jail and how will the baby come out and all sorts of stuff I didn't realize we would be talking about this soon.  But we do, and it's good.  Sometimes funny.  And a little hard to explain.

Anyway, there's the brain dump for the night.  It's out of order and has no accompanying picture.  But that's ok.  This is where we're at.

Summer Days

A GIRL!!!

Yep - it's true!  We're having another baby.  And we finally get our girl.  I still can't believe it.  I think that's partly why I haven't announced super publicly besides to the family and friends we see most often because part of me won't believe it until I see it.  What if I have a baby and prepare and then it's not what we thought??  I doubt that will happen, and it doesn't make sense but that is the honest truth of why I've waited and waited.  We found out I was pregnant in early March.  It was right in the middle of showing the house and moving and Hawaii and……  But it was the final confirmation I needed to know that it was indeed time for us to move and that we were making a good decision.

Four kids sounds like a lot to me….but I think Brian and I have both always thought that four was our number.  My friend did the ultrasound early at 17 weeks.  I was so anxious to know.  Brian was on his way to Fathers and Sons and I still went by myself because I just couldn't wait.  I told her I wouldn't cry when she told me it was another boy.  And I was prepared and ready for it.  Although in my heart of hearts I thought it was a girl.  And it was.  And I cried.

We will be very thankful this November!

And then Kindergarten Ends

Gavin has had a great year.  I can't believe this Kindergarten year is over.  It went by so so fast.  Really fast!  He has grown so much.  He can read!  Gavin is a smart kid and I think he will do well in school.  I am proud of him.  Every time I went into his class he was obedient and doing what the teacher asked him to.  After being a teacher, I know that this is a pretty important thing!  (At least it was sure helpful to me…)  Mrs. Crockett did great things with him.  Besides literally watching him get big right before my eyes, I was pretty floored to see the influence a good teacher can have.  And to see what information he has stored in his brain that was never there before.  From the parent side this time around, I am very grateful.  Him going to Manila has been a good thing - for both of us.

It was SO fun to watch my own little boy at the dance festival.  He was feeling it and moving like crazy!  I may have teared up just a touch listening to the America song at Kindergarten graduation.  You just can't help it on those ones!  "This is a great song, mom" he told me.

His best bud was Garrett.  They only had one play date all year but in class they were at recess together most days and sat by each other at a table.  Garrett was a good kid.

Gavin's in the big leagues now.  All day!  First grade!  He is excited.  And he's ready.  I'm going to miss him.  And for sure McKay will!  We're switching him over to Barratt.  It is right outside the front door of our new house.  And with all these kids following behind, it just makes sense for us to go to school here in American Fork.  So he will have another new start, make new friends, and have another great year.  

Here's to a fun summer before I have to get all teary about that.

First day of Kindergarten

Last day

First day

Last day

London!

It still feels like a dream…  Even though this London trip has been in the works for well over a year, of course the dates would conveniently fall four days after we moved into our new house.

But no worries.  We made it work.  Brian the champion of the world took days off work, a week off of therapy, and lots of nice people took the kids during the day one week so that I could have the adventure of a lifetime.

And what an adventure it was!  The guest list: Mother, Becky, Susan, David, Jourdan, Amy, Brittney, Lynsey, Mark, Jenn, Sterling, and me.

Mark planned out our itinerary to the tee.  I just followed.  Made it easy and fun!  Nothing beats a trip when you truly enjoy the company of the people you are with.  Every day was packed.  For ten days we woke up early, toured and saw and enjoyed all day and crashed every night.  "This is not a vacation!" I kept telling Brian.  "This is an adventure!  A trip!"  He was certain I was sitting by the pool relaxing.  We were so tired.  But it was all so worth it.

I will always be grateful to Mother for making trips like these with my sisters, aunts, and cousins happen over the years.  New England - Seattle - New York - Washington DC - and now London.  Some of my very happiest memories.

Ordinary Days

Grateful for:
New houses to work on
Helpful friends to watch and feed kids during our busiest days
Home Depot runs
BYU days with Aunt Melissa
Park days with dad

Under Construction

To do list: Rip out carpet Rip out linoleum Paint kitchen cupboards Paint trim/doors/closets New hardware on doors Rip down mantle Retexture wall for TV Rip out tile by fireplace and backdoor Retile all of that (Thank you Brian and Nathan!) Paint

Easter

 Look at my three little men in their Sunday best.  So cute I can hardly stand it.  I didn't even buy them anything new or super coordinated and they STILL look handsome!    They were all ready for the egg hunt - long before those eggs were hidden.

 The kids love being with their cousins.  They always bring in a haul!  It was fun to have Grandma and Grandpa finally home again and things running as usual.  Holidays weren't quite the same without them!

 I am grateful for my little family and that I get to be with them forever.  Really, there are no other people I'd rather be with.  That turned out to be a nice deal, I think!

Moving

Three weeks after our house was listed, in about mid-March, an offer came in on our house that ended up being the one that stuck.  The month that followed was still stressful, as the buyer kept coming for more showings and asked us to fix several things based on the home inspection.  It made us nervous that she would back out and we would be back at square one.  So for a few hundred dollars and a few miracles, we gave in to her every demand.  We fixed some electrical stuff, the garage, a leaky toilet, a sticker on the furnace, and a brand new water heater.  While I was angry at times because I felt we were playing a game, things really did fall into place.  I had been going through rooms cleaning things out for a week and then started packing things up.

I mostly did ok - boxing up closets and shelves of books and things we don't use was not hard.  I was a machine!  Filling up that garage and showing Brian my progress each day.  However, I did have to call in the big guns to do the hard stuff.  Karen came over and single-handedly took down my curtains and pictures and homey things in the front room.  I don't know why but it was just so hard for me to do it.  Our house looked plain and uninviting.  It made me sad.  Things were feeling real at that point.  So I really waited until the last week to do that.  The next few days before the move there was a pretty constant stream of sweet, nice friends who helped me get the kitchen packed and then later our bedroom.  They were so kind.  They made it go fast.  They made it much less painful.

There were so many kindnesses shown to our family, particularly in that last week that made it possible for us to get out quickly.  Dinners day after day after the kitchen was packed up and even the day or two after we moved.  Kids being taken care of so I could work quickly.  Kids of others' kids being watched as well so that their moms could be with me to help.  A water heater.  Trailers and trucks delivered to our house and keys left on our porch.  So many helping hands to move boxes from the crawl space to the garage.  From the garage to a trailer.  From the trailer into the basement of our new house.  It was incredible.  People are so, so good.

We closed on April 15.  Had to be out by Saturday, the 17th.  They were long, long days.  I was beat.  The kids were out of sorts.  We moved into grandma and grandpa Robinson's house for two weeks while we worked on the hew house and got it ready for us to move in.

For the most part, I was composed.  But the ending there was pretty hard.  Ripped my little heart out.  I have so many happy memories of our little house on 1010 West.  We moved in 8 years ago with just the two of us and a puppy.  So much space - and room to spare!  We brought our three, sweet little boys home here.  We sat on the front porch and watched snow fall or ate popsicles.  Kids ran laps around the kitchen and the family room while Brian played the piano.  I can see Gavin army crawling down the entire hall.  I can see McKay standing up in the cherry tree waiting for me to come get him down.  I can see Jonah standing at the back door watching his big brothers and wishing he was big enough to join in the fun.

This little house is where Brian and I spent hours working together - finishing the yard, building a garden, making it ours.  The kids rode bikes and scooters down the path in the backyard over and over. Dug for worms in the backyard.  Found rolly pollies.  Learned how to ride bikes on the street out front.

I can't list them all here.  But I will forever remember the happy feelings associated with our first home. It was a good place.  Love grows best in little spaces…  We had great neighbors and we made friends that I truly believe will last a lifetime.

When we went outside for the last time the Belliston's and their girls were outside.  I was fighting hard to keep it together.  But I did.  We took pictures and said goodbye.  We walked back in the house and as I walked up the stairs to the laundry room door for the last time, the floodgates opened.  We went in and kneeled in our bedroom - our little family of five - and said a prayer.  Grateful for the opportunity to live here.  I had to go lay down for two hours before I was composed again.  It was so hard to say goodbye.

I know this move is great for our family and many new adventures await us.  And I'm excited for the next phase and know that the next chapter can be just as great.  So like Dr. Suess said - I will smile because it happened!

Year Ten!

The week before we closed on our house (of course!) was our Ten-Year Hawaii trip.  We had tried to go several years before, but we looked ahead and promised that this would be the year.  So forget being in the middle of buying a house!  Forget being eight weeks pregnant and sick!  WE WERE GOING!

Even though I was a little worried about the timing, it turned out to be for the best.  We really needed a break.  And to spend it with my best friend was just what the doctor ordered.

Although I've only been to one island, I think Kauai may be hard to beat.  It was so beautiful.  It didn't feel super touristy.  We filled our days with drives around the island - good food - zip lines - kayaks - hikes - waterfalls - macadamia nuts - luaus - books by the pool - luau - yummy breakfast and time to actually have a conversation! - snorkeling.  No agenda.  Just me and Brian.  It was seven days of heaven.  There's nothing like being in a beautiful place doing pretty much nothing with the person you like most to make happy memories.

There was a time when being married for ten years seemed far away.  Once upon a time Brian's heath made things questionable.  But I am forever grateful for the time that we've had together and hope for many more happy years.  With time comes a comfort and safety and trust that is important.  We get each other.  The good and the bad.  I know that he will love me regardless.  And our three (+1!!) kids in ten years are pretty miraculous.

Thanks to my honey for making this trip happen and for sticking it out with me.  Let's do it again!!