Friends

I may have mentioned it before, but I have great friends.  This group of neighborhood gals have become especially special and I am so grateful to have them close by.  Transitioning to motherhood and permanent stay-at-home momness with two littles was a little hard.  And lonely.  But I don't feel alone anymore.  These girls are one in a million and we all count on each other.  We laugh hard, can cry and keep it real, and band together when something needs to get done.  I have made lifelong friends here on 1010 West and consider myself very very lucky!

Not myself

I am not kidding when I say that sometimes I am an unfit mother.  Seriously.  Especially lately.  This is all so confusing to me.  The part where we planned on having another baby and then in the past two months, while that very baby is finally with us, I wonder why on earth I have been given another one to take care of when I can't take care of the ones I've got.  I don't even feel like myself.  I am grumpy beyond belief.  My patience is paper thin.  Everyone is an idiot.  I don't even know why anyone would want to be around me, since I can hardly stand being around myself.  I hope this all goes away soon.  I know that this is not who I am, but I'm sure it's hard for my husband and kids to continue being forgiving.  Brian finally figured out to not do those big weirded out eyes at me anymore or he was really going to get it.  Lucky for him, now he chooses to keep those eyes to himself.  But I still know that he knows.  And it's hard.

We have good moments and then in an instant it can change, and it's usually because of me.  Because of how I react to things.  McKay stepping on a loaf of bread is really not the end of the world.  But you would have thought that today.

And on top of all my craziness, I decided it's time to potty train McKay.  Things are going pretty well.  Until the last two days when I decided that I've had enough poop in the pants (3).  So for two days we haven't left the house.  I've watched his every move and I know this kid needs to go to the bathroom.  The final straw was when Brian wanted me to help with his friends birthday (a totally reasonable request, in my normal state) but I am flipping out inside because I CAN NOT LEAVE BECAUSE MCKAY NEEDS TO POOP.  So I took him to grandma and left for 30 minutes.  Drove up to pick him up the very second he is pooping his pants.  After two days of me waiting, he pooped his pants while I was gone.  I am bugged.  And sad.  I've got to get a grip.

The News

Well, it worked.  I found out mid-August that we are going to have another baby.  I surprised Brian at work with a gift of pink and blue M&Ms and a father's day card that said, "Third time is the charm!"  He was pretty excited.   I was pretty grateful to have an explanation this time around for my naughty behavior.  (I get that way when I'm pregnant, or so I've been told...)

I am due around April 20.  I go in to the see the doctor next Wednesday.  I am anxious to see if things are good.  I have been tired, moody, grumpy, and dizzy.  I have thrown up a few times, which I never did with the boys, so Brian wonders if it may be a girl.  Who knows.  This morning, out of the blue, Gavin said, "I SO want a girl baby."  He doesn't even know we're having one and he's made several comments like this.  Hmmm....maybe he knows something we don't.