Primary talks and other thoughts

Last week Gavin was assigned to give a talk in Junior Primary.  The second we told him what that little slip of paper said he was pumped up.  "Jesus Christ Teaches me to Choose the Right."  Brian and I wrote a simple talk and Gavin worked on it with us all week.  I bet he's done it 20 times.  At least.  He had that thing pretty well memorized.  I made little cue cards with the first letters of the next line or a picture so he could remember which part came next.

The excitement continued to today.  "Is today my talk day?  Let's go to church!"  Grandma and Grandpa Robinson even came to watch.  He looked so sweet as he plopped himself in the front of the room in his pink and white striped button-up and fancy new tie.  He looks so big to me now.  I was sitting in the front row next to the other kids in his Sunbeam class.  I told him I would sit right there in front of him and show him the cards.  As the scripture boy went up, he looked at me and I whispered, "You're next!" and he smiled.  He was ready.  We had practiced for this!  Once Chase sat down, he slowly walked up those two little steps at the podium.  He seemed brave and ready and knew just what to do.  All week it was: "Don't be silly.  Don't be shy.  Be brave.  Talk loud."

He looked at me and seemed okay and then glanced around that big, crowed room full of faces.  The look on Gavin's face changed in an instant.  And I knew.  He was so so scared.  He looked at me again.  I held up the cards and gave him the first words and he started backing up - like he was ready to make a run for it.  I'm surprised he didn't, actually.   I went up next to him and told him the first line.  His face went into my arm and he was all sorts of done after that.  Of course, in real time his six sentence talk didn't take that long, but the coersion, the prompting, the "You can do it!" seemed like it lasted forever.  I promised him gum and treats and Jesus will be so happy and all sorts of things in those few seconds.  I ended up giving his talk.  One line at a time, seeing if he was ready to join me or help or take over or anything.   Nothing.  Even in giving his talk for him my throat started to catch.  I mean, how scary is it for a three-year-old to get up in front of thirty people and do that?  It ended and he jumped down and I walked him back to Brian to say hello and give Grandma and Grandpa a hug.  I walked out of the room after I handed him to Brian and I cried.

In those moments I felt for the little guy.  I was in no way disappointed in him.  But for some reason I just wanted it so badly for him.  It's not even something that really matters, I guess.  It's not for anyone else, really, but I just knew that he was ready.  And excited.  And that this little boy can do this.  Not that it's a failure, because it's not.  But today was a defining moment for me a mother - for the first time I've really hurt for him.  I felt so sad that he struggled and couldn't do it.  And the thing that got me the most was that he was so. scared.  I've thought about it all day.  I wouldn't have done anything different.  I just know that this is the first of many times that I'll hope that something goes one way and it ends up going another.  I know that he will be scared again.  I know that he will be asked to do hard things that he doesn't want to do.  I know that I will have to watch him struggle.  And probably fail.  And it was just hard.  Even though today I could fix it, I know that as he gets older I won't always be able to (and shouldn't!) do that for him.

I gave him a squeeze and just loved that little guy today.  He doesn't have to give the best Sunbeam talk known to man for me to be proud of him.

Mornings Like These

Mornings like these don't happen all the time.  Usually while the boys eat breakfast, I can clean up the kitchen and get things put away before they finish.  That's the easy part.  It's the after part that's hard.  I want to pick up other things and look at my computer (a habit I'm sure I need to break) before the day gets started.  After all, it is only 8:00am by this time.  That's when the whining and fighting generally begins.  But today is different.  More important than doing 'my thing,' I can hear them playing forts and campout in Gavin's room.  They are running around like pals - not screaming, not fighting over a toy, and not pinning each other down and hitting or biting.  Just getting along.  And those are the best times.

Just last night I told Brian that I don't want to look back and regret this time.  I don't want to have regrets about not paying enough attention or not being patient enough or not teaching them how to handle themselves well.  Sometimes I don't handle myself well.  I don't want to regret my overreacting about things that don't really matter just because I'm tired.  I lack motivation and energy by midday and wish that I accomplished more than I do.  Sleeping sounds all too enticing by 1:00 and often I give in.  But then we live in a dump, I get grumpy, and the cycle begins again.

So today is a new day.  And I've got a new plan.

St. George Spring Break

After celebrating our 8th Anniversary on Monday the 9th, the four of us headed down to St. George on Tuesday of Spring Break.  (Eight years!  Holy cow!)  It was nice to have Brian to ourselves for an entire week.  That hasn't happened in a long, long time.

The boys were happier than happy.  We were out in the open and free from the day-to-day cares of home.  Making room to take the bikes was the smartest thing we've ever done.  Brian and I were able to take our bikes down as well and switch off going on rides.  So fun.  I love love love riding my bike.  Minus the prancing around in spandex part (I swear - I never thought I'd live to see the day...who do I think I am?) it's one of my favorite ways to exercise.

We went to the SK8 George skatepark (clever?) twice during the week.  The boys loved it.  McKay is a crazy person out there.  How we didn't end up in the hospital with a head cast is beyond me.  And if he's not the first child to break and arm or have stitches I will be shocked.  He flew around on that plastic trike like he owned the place.  Whether we were there to save him or not was of no concern to him.  Gavin, on the other hand, is a bit more cautious.  Almost obnoxiously so, but better safe than sorry, I guess.

The rest of our time was spent playing at the park, swimming at the indoor pool, watching movies, playing Guess Who and Hot Wheels, mini-golfing, and just plain bummin' around.  I love my boys.  All three of them.

Easter 2012

The boys were sure excited when they went out to the couch first thing and saw that the Easter Bunny had made an appearance. This year, they each got a t-shirt and a stuffed animal, along with the usual sugar stash.

We ate a breakfast of creme brule french toast and watched The Lamb of God all before 8:30am. We went on a walk and bike ride to burn some energy so McKay would take a nap before our 1:00 church. We hung out at Rhett and Alison Mitchell's for awhile and had a fun time talking to them.

The pre-church pictures are always required. This year things went from okay to sun-in-your-face freakouts in a matter of seconds. But we did manage to get a few good shots.

Church was wonderful. I loved the lessons and the boys were happy. I love that Easter will always and forever be on Sunday. Just how it should be.

 We headed up to Grandma and Grandpa's for the annual bbq, deviled eggs, and easter egg hunt. McKay knew what to expect this year and minus a few prods to keep it moving, had a great time looking for eggs. He loved the ones with money inside.  Gavin left no stone unturned. He was bugged that I wanted his picture since he was clearly busy. He had better things to do...

The final hurrah was grandpa pulling out the lawnmower and taking the kids for wagon rides.  McKay could hardly handle it when his turn was over.  (He's not good at sharing these days...)  All in all, a perfect day.  

Despite it all

It always cracks me up that after a day of nearly ripping each other's heads off, they still want to sit right next to each other during dinner.

Poor memory?  Probably.  Quick to forgive?  That too.

McKay turns TWO!

Happy Birthday to this little animal! I can't believe he is TWO already!  We were planning on having a warm BBQ in our backyard, but the weather had different plans.  So we headed up to the grandparent's house for our little shindig.  Truth is, BBQs in the house are kindof weird...

All of our Robinson aunts, uncles, and cousins were able to make it except Matt & Crystal.  McKay was sneaking licks of his cake before we even started.

McKay didn't get the candle blown out on the first try, so on the second go around he growled at it.  That didn't work either, so dad helped a little.

McKay got all sorts of hot wheels from mom, dad, and Gavin. Grandma and Grandpa Robinson hooked him up with a Cozy Coupe.  Gavin could hardly handle having McKay get presents and not him.  He was acting so weird and wanting to be all in charge and stuff.  First child, I guess.  We had to hold him on our laps for a few so McKay could actually have a turn.  

In the past few months he has changed so much.  It's always amazing to me how fast these kids learn and how fast they get big.  He's certainly not a baby anymore.  He is talking all. the. time.  He repeats absolutely everything anyone says and is catching on to language and new words everyday.  He can sing Twinkle, Twinkle, and get through most of the ABCs.  He can count to 10.  McKay can say a prayer and yells "Amen!"  at the end.  He loves to hear stories and says "Oh!" at the end of every sentence we say.  (Once there was a rabbit.  "Oh!"  He had a friend named McKay.  "Oh!"  They were walking in the forest.  "Oh!")  I love it.  He loves tickles, loves to play horsie and sit on my back.  

He is sass, he is silly, he is serious, he is wild, he is agile, and so so quick to get away from me.  I have found him standing on the piano and on the kitchen island with a knife and scissors in his hand.  He pulls a chair up to whatever he needs to get and helps himself.  He is a lot dangerous and certainly keeps us on our toes.  He is not having the highchair business anymore and wants to play with the big kids.

He's a great eater (30 pounds already!) and a wonderful night sleeper.  He loves all fruit, broccoli, and quesadillas.  McKay has his own agenda and does not like that plan to be messed with.  (See above kissing picture.)  He can hold his own with Gavin and loves him so much.  I'm excited to watch them become best buds and look out for each other.  I'm still McKay's favorite, which is always nice, but am ok when he branches out to dad...  But grandma and grandpa beat us both out any day.

We love him so much and are so glad he is in our family.  Happy Birthday, little bubba!