Where we are

It stresses me out to post things not in order.  But then if I work that way, then things will never get on here.  Important things that I want to remember.  There have been several little things in the past few days alone that I think I need to remember this but I know I won't.  So, someday I will go back and get Gavin's birthday and the rest of summer and renovating and being pregnant and Jonah's poop problems for the past six weeks and school starting and all that jazz.  But for today, these are the things that I want to remember.

I am a terrible pregnant person.  I know that I am blessed and do feel incredibly grateful.  But still, I am just bad at it.  Moody and irrational and plain mean.  I don't love that at all.  I keep telling myself that I will be feel normal again.  I hope that is true as it is hard for me to believe these days.  Lately I've been sleeping in the basement.  It's a lot cooler down there with a big soft bed that feels more comfortable to me.  I also can't hear much.  So the kids have been getting up and I've been sleeping in later than I would if I were in my room.  This morning it was a shocker to me when McKay came in and said, "Mom, I think you need to get up."  It felt later than usual and I came up and wouldn't you know it - 8:22.  8:22!!  I can't remember the last time I slept that long.  I saw a box of cereal on the kitchen floor.  I walked into find Jonah being handed mini wheats one at a time from his sweet brother McKay making sure he was fed and happy.  Poop up the back.  Gavin had the remote and the cartoons running.  Do these kids really need me??  I think they are really running the operation around here.  In fact, I am certain of it.  It was so funny to me that I was sleeping and all of this was going on.  I felt a lot irresponsible.  And laughed about it several times today.  Awesome mom points for sure!!

Jonah is the cutest thing ever.  Fifteen and sixteen month olds are the cutest.  I think I forgot that.  He has a million teeth (at least 10, really) and says lots of new words.  He says daddy, mommy, mom, doggy, ball, hi, blanket (doesn't sound like that at all), nana, and more.  He gives the sweetest snuggles and really just walks around the house doing his own thing.  Playing with toys, going up and down the stairs, unloading dishes, and playing with his brothers.

McKay and Gavin have been at each others' throats.  School started Tuesday (will have to write about that someday...) and I think it's a good thing to give them a little space after the summer together.  Those last few days were killer.  Like fighting and teasing and punching and pulling the entire day long.  When I asked McKay what was going on he said, "My heart is black.  And it is empty.  Well, it's really pink, but it is still empty."  Where would a four-year-old come up with that?

Gavin has been trying to transition to his new school.  He's come home sulky and sad.  Tonight, after day three, when I asked him how things were going, he finally admitted to me that he sits there and wonders what he is missing at home and wants to be with his family.  It was really sweet.  Then he said, "Mom, I noticed that you made my bed today and that made me feel happy inside.  It made me feel like you love me."  I tell ya - we fight and nag and want to pull hair out.  And then they are all cute like that.  I even let him lay all over me during story time even when I really wanted him to sit back a little and give me some space.  But I held off.  And I'm glad I did because I think he just needs to feel close to us.  Though these little boys are lots of work, I wouldn't trade them for anything.  And I know that I need to be here with them.  And when not-so-great things happen I need to be here to handle it.  (Hopefully in a not-crazy-pregnant-lady sorta way.)

They are asking lots of good, hard questions.  Like they want to know about drugs and jail and how will the baby come out and all sorts of stuff I didn't realize we would be talking about this soon.  But we do, and it's good.  Sometimes funny.  And a little hard to explain.

Anyway, there's the brain dump for the night.  It's out of order and has no accompanying picture.  But that's ok.  This is where we're at.