Church and other thoughts

Lately I feel like church has been especially good.  There have been several times in the past few months where I have heard something that I know I just needed to hear.

In November and December, there were two Sundays in a row that I woke up and just wasn't feeling it.  Which is pretty unlike me to just not want to go.  Anyway, of course I went and it ended up being some pretty important learning experiences I've had in a long time.  I don't remember the lesson, but I was in Sunday School and the teacher said something and all of the sudden all of this clarity came to my mind about how good our life was, how hard Brian works for us, and what we needed to do with a pressing financial decision (buying a car).  I don't even know if my thoughts were directly related to the lesson.  I'm pretty sure they weren't.  She said one sentence and the rest of the lesson blurred out.  My mind started racing and I took a page of clearly outlined notes of how things were going to work out and what we needed to do to make everything happen.  And how to budget.  I came home and told Brian what I was thinking and he said, "What has happened to you?  It's not that I don't like it - because this is great - but where did this all come from?"  Inspiration, I tell you.

So then the following Sunday I had the same feeling.  Not wanting to go to church.  In Relief Society that day a sister was bearing her testimony and said that her testimony of the gospel has come pieces at a time - a line here, a phrase here, a feeling here, a thought here - about different topics and principles.  I think that it how it is for me, as was shown to me the week before.  Maybe that's how it is for a lot of people.  But I was grateful for that day as well that I was reminded - AGAIN - that when I am listening I can continue to be taught.  Even when I think that I don't need to be at church.  I certainly know that I don't have all of the answers.  But I know that Heavenly Father is guiding my thoughts and I can choose to act on those or not.

The reason I'm writing about this now is because 1) it's an important life lesson for me to remember and 2) today in Sunday School we had a great lesson on revelation.  All of these examples came back to me and I realized that I can do more to receive personal revelation for me and for my family.  It made me think about times that people have been paying attention and have literally called me in the very moment that I needed them.  And when I am aware, I have had those same thoughts for people and have called or dropped by and they said that I was an answer to their prayers.  That timing is not coincidence.

Parenting is hard business.  I know that Brian and I need to work together and stay close to the spirit so that our decisions and tactics can be guided in a way that is best for our little family.  I feel so overwhelmed and such a sense of responsibility today of being a parent.  The knot at the end of my rope has been tied and I'm hanging on for dear life.  I want to be a good mom and wife and know that I cannot do it alone.  Although I know sometimes I've tried.  I want to take the time to step up my personal study as it is severely lacking.

Even though sometimes it feels like I am doing the same thing week after week when it comes to church meetings, I do need these lessons again and again to learn what is relevant to my life now.