Medication

We have been anxious to have a baby for over a year now.  At first I thought that I needed to plan every detail out.  (If we have a baby in *this month* then I'll have all of the clothes and won't have to buy new stuff.  McKay will be two in April, so we should have our next baby in May.)  I have obviously learned that we don't get to plan it all.  At this point we are aware how *not* in charge we are.  So, after many months of not getting pregnant, I decided to go to the doctor and make a plan for the next few months.  There have been blood tests and for the past two months I have been taking Clomid, hoping to get my body back on track.

I have a love/hate relationship with Clomid.  I love that our chances get better as each month passes, but I hate the way it makes me feel.  My moods can change in an instant and I feel like I am all over the place.  The worst part is feeling like I want to scream and yell at the people I love most.  It's been hard.  Hard.

I am trying so hard to contain my irrational emotions and get a grip.  Here's hoping.  And sorry to my three boys.  I'm glad that still give me hugs and tell me they love me despite all of it.