Schedules

I am one who likes schedules. I'm sure it started around the time I became a teacher and has now carried over into my life as a mom. We eat about the same time, we have a naptime, bedtime, bathtime, etc. - it's just how we work around here. You'll notice I said 'about.' That's a new development. It used to be more set in stone, but the more time goes on, the more flexible I become. When McKay was born, I called it lowering my standards. It's probably a lot of that, but now we'll call it flexible.

Most days follow the same pattern. A schedule works for me, most of the time.

Last night I put McKay down at 7:00. He slept for just over an hour and then woke up frantic. I don't know if it's teething or being sick or what. I went in and picked him up and rocked him for a bit. He sat very still on my lap, his little hands resting on my arms. Brian had a late night and came home while I was sitting with him. I put McKay back in his crib and he did his high-pitched squeal telling me that he was totally offended that I had left him. This time he cried just a minute or two and then was out for the rest of the night.

I walked in to Brian and said, "I'm a total softy for McKay." He said, "It took you ten months to figure that out?" I laughed. No, I've actually know it all along. It's not just last night, but I've certainly catered to him more. With Gavin, he followed my baby books to the T. I've always called him my "textbook baby." When the book said he should eat, he ate. When he should sleep, he slept. When he might cry a few minutes, he cried a few minutes. And when people were so impressed with Gavin's sleeping skills, I'd say, "Well, yeah. You just follow this book and your kid will just do it." And when someone else's baby didn't do that I'd think to myself Just follow the book.

Well, I know now that all babies are not alike. Kid #2 is teaching me all sorts of things. McKay is a different boy. He's spent a few times crying for well over an hour during our sleep training several months ago. I've tried. I've ignored. I've soothed. He won't stop. I promise, he won't. When he's awake, he's just awake. So now I go and get him. With Gavin, I never did that, though I really didn't have to. I would have worried that he'd get too dependent on me giving him a little rock every time he wanted to sleep or whatever. Now I see things differently. McKay has a fairly predictable schedule. Different, but good. He doesn't always sleep long hours and although today's nap was 2.5 hours, yesterday's was 45 minutes, he's still sleeping. And I don't get bent out of shape about it like I used to.

As Brian and I visited, we decided that no, McKay won't be ruined if I go to him in the night when he cries. I've found that when I do, he lays down and cries a little and then is content. It's not like this is going to be happening forever. It's just the opposite. Before I know it, he'll be slamming the door trying to keep me out of his room. But if he wants me now, he can have me now.

Some days I wonder when I'll be able to put him down, this baby that loves to be held. He's getting pretty heavy, you know. It's not as easy as it used to be! Until now, I have had a hard time verbalizing to Brian why I am quicker to get McKay when he cries. We're super connected, that little boy and me. To say he's got me wrapped around his little finger is an understatement. But it was nice when Brian agreed that, yes, loving our baby is not the end of my scheduled world.

In 18 years will I look back and think Gosh, I wish we would have stuck to that schedule better or will I think, What I wouldn't give to hold onto him just a little longer. I'm thinking it's the latter, so I'll relax just a little and hold onto the moments while I have them.